Meet Ivy and Garren from Pucker Up

Back in April, I attended the RT Convention in Chicago with my good friend and fellow writer, René Gilley. It was a blast! We also enrolled in the 2-day advanced writing workshop lead by author Bobbi Smith. One of our assignments was to write a description of our hero and heroine. So, I decided to be creative and impress Bobbi with my wit and humor. Yeah, what I handed in wasn’t what she was looking for, but she did say it made her laugh. There’s no better compliment than that, my friend.

So, I thought it would be fun to post my character descriptions here. I had the bright idea of having the characters from my book, Pucker Up, describe themselves. It’s written entirely in dialogue form. To help you follow along, Ivy’s lines are in plain font and Garren’s lines are in italics.

 

“Hey, Garren.”

“Ivy.”

“The author of our story has to write a description of us and needs some help. You up for it?”

“What does she need our help for? She created us.”

“Just answer the questions. Number one, what is your best physical feature? Hmm, I’d have to say my legs.”

“Your legs? No one’s ever seen them under the baggy jeans you always wear. I thought you were going to say your hazel eyes.”

“That’s so cliché. My roundhouse kicks can incapacitate a man twice my size. Want a demonstration?”

“No thanks. I think my best feature is my smile. Don’t roll your eyes. My smile’s been known to stop traffic.”

“That’s what happens when you stand in the middle of the street grinning like an idiot. Question two. What is your least favorite physical feature? I’d have to say—“

“Your hair.”

“Hey! What’s wrong with my hair? It’s just a little frizzy.”

“A little frizzy? That’s like saying Hurricane Katrina was a light breeze. It’s a big, bushy, brown menace.”

“Don’t touch my hair. It’s humid in here, okay? It’s usually nice and curly. What’s your least favorite feature?”

“That’s a toughie. I don’t think I have any. Maybe… No that’s pretty amazing. How about… I got it! My eyelashes. They’re so thick and long they always bump against my sunglasses when I blink. It’s very annoying. What?”

“Nothing. Okay, question three asks what color best represents you.”

“What color best… What kind of question is that? Next she’ll want to know what tree I see myself as.”

“That’s number eighteen.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not. Now give that back. Pick a color.”

“These questions are so—“

“Watch it. You do realize that the author can do anything she wants to you, right? Like kill you off.”

“You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say that these questions are so freakin’ fabulous! Is she a genius or what?”

“Mmm hmmm.”

“All right. I guess I’m a red ‘cause I’m passionate and a lover of the ladies. Oh, yeah.”

“It also symbolizes anger and hot tempers. I can see that.”

“Real funny. What color are you? No wait, I know. You’re brown; dull and boring.”

“Brown is also an earthy color; calm and vital. So, thank you. Next question. Who would you want to play you in the movie version of the book? Wow. She’s only just published the book and she’s already casting the movie. I see where you get your arrogance.”

“Too bad Johnny Depp is so old or he’d be perfect to play me.”

“Ah-hahahahahahaha!”

“Wait, who played that buff vampire in those Twilight movies? He’d do. Why are you laughing?”

“I’m s-sorry. I thought you were joking. J-Johnny Depp. Ah-hahahaha!”

“I’ll have you know that he and I have very similar bone structure. Will you stop laughing and get off the floor?”

“Oh, man. I haven’t laughed like that in so long. Good thing I don’t wear make-up or I’d be a mess. Okay, who would play me? How about Gina Carano?”

“Who? I was thinking Megan Fox. She’s hot.”

“So. Gina’s hot, too. Plus, she’s a world-ranked mixed martial arts champion. She can kick butt just as well as I can.”

“Whatever. Let’s find another question. Here’s one: Who is your favorite fictional character? That’s easy- me.”

“I don’t think that’s what she meant.”

“Why not? I’m a fictional character, aren’t I? Don’t you think our author created absolutely wonderful and meaningful characters?”

“Fine. What would be your theme song?”

“I’m sexy and I know it. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.”

“Do you have to do the dance, too? Oh gawd, I think I threw up in my mouth a little.”

“All right, all right. What’s your song?”

“Fighter, by Christina Aguilara.”

“I’m noticing a pattern here. You’re rather violent, aren’t you?”

“Only when I need to be. Let’s answer one more question. What would you change about the other person?”

“That’s a no-brainer. Nothing.”

“Awwww.”

“Well, maybe just one thing. If Ivy could stop attracting trouble wherever she goes, that’d be great.”

“Make Garren a mute.”

 

Leave a comment answering one the above questions. For me, right now I think the tree— or in this case, plant— that best represents me is the zinfandel grape. I dyed my hair the other day and now it’s purple. Yeah, it looks like I dunked my head in a barrel of wine. Oh well, my 5-year-old thinks it’s cool.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Meet Ivy and Garren from Pucker Up

  1. Ha, that was enormous fun! What a great way to do character descriptions!

    Favorite fictional character…have to say Alanna the Lioness, from Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness quartet. There are a few other contenders, but I’m feeling the tough girl vibe around here…

  2. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing.

  3. dayna reading

    WHen is the next book? since i am in love with those characters. and my color would be rainbow since i have different moods all the time.
    And I was the one who wrote the fan fic.

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